Big Little Lies
In Middlemarch, George Eliot wrote:
“People were so ridiculous with their illusions…thinking their own lies opaque while everybody else’s were transparent.”
Perhaps the Dweller’s Guide Should have a ‘most transparent lies of the week’ feature.
Anyway, here are the 3 top lies and liars for week beginning 10th Sept. USA, Russia, Burma (Trump, Putin, Suu Kye.) Puerto Rica deaths, tourist assassins and journalist traitors.
Nobody died in Puerto Rica from hurricanes Maria and Irma last year (well, only 18 people at most). In fact the whole thing was dreamt up by Democrats to make me look bad. Actually there weren’t any hurricanes at all, it was just a bit cloudy one day. No, it didn’t even happen. Look, I love Puerto Rica. No one loves Puerto Rica more than me. The Puerto Ricans all love me. really they worship me. They think I am a god. Well, I am a god. that’s why I didn’t make the hurricane.
OK. For the true story read the dweller’s guide blog on Puerto Rica from August 10th.
- In Texas after the storm, the number of FEMA employees, other federal agencies, and the National Guard deployed topped 31,000 and FEMA supplied 3 million meals and 3 million liters of water to be distributed to survivors. Only 63 people died.
- In Florida after the storm, more than 40,000 federal personnel, including 2,650 FEMA staff, were in place within days. FEMA transferred 6.6 million meals and 4.7 million liters of water. Only 72 people died.
- In Puerto Rico after the storm, just 10,000 federal staff were on the ground split between Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands “assisting search and rescue and recovery efforts”. 1400 (now, 3000) people have died.
Why should this be? Is it perhaps because Puerto Rica’s next door neighbour is Hispaniola, the island which is home to Dominican Republic and Haiti, one of the ‘shithole countries’ President Trump is so keen not to receive immigrants from?
The two Russian were just tourists who had come to Salisbury to see the old clock and the Cathedral. The reason they actually didn’t go to the Cathedral at all was because it was snowing so hard they missed their way and accidentally went past the house of Sergei Skripal. In the end the weather was so bad that they only stayed for twenty minutes because their feet got cold and they were worried about getting chilblains. The reason there was no snow on any of the CCTV footage and the UK Met Office also couldn’t find any snow on that day was because the British Government made the whole thing up to make them look bad. Actually, I love Salisbury. The people of Salisbury love me. They think of me as a god. Actually I am a god. Did you know that according to Wikipedia ‘Since 1549, the cathedral has had the tallest church spire in the United Kingdom’ plus some other facts that I read quickly so I should not sound too ludicrous.
OK. The real story is that these two incompetent Russian agents had enough Novichok to wipe out half of Wiltshire, but so botched their job that they only managed to kill one hapless innocent woman some weeks later. No wonder they looked worried on Russian TV. They’ve made Mr Putin look silly and he won’t like that.
Aung San Suu Kyi
In November 2010, Aung San Suu Kyi was released from house arrest and was suddenly spreading love and light everywhere like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, singing ‘These are a few of my favourite things.’ Aung San was feted all around the world, winning the Nobel Peace Prize (remarking, “Wherever suffering is ignored, there will be the seeds of conflict, for suffering degrades and embitters and enrages.”) and Freedom of the City of Oxford (an honour which has been subsequently rescinded so unfortunately she will no longer be allowed to attend Oxford City Council meetings.)
So, the only little glitch in this fairy-tale is the genocide and ethnic cleansing of the Rhohingya people carried out by Julie Andrews’ military. Nearly a million of them have fled to neighbouring Bangladesh so far. Someone should have explained to her that democracy is about the people removing the government, not the government removing the people.
Now, Julie Andrews has come out with one of the best whoppers of the week. She told the world, regarding the seven year prison sentence given out to two journalists,
“They were not jailed because they were journalists, they were jailed because they have broken the Official Secrets Act.”
Yes, Julie, but only because Burma’s Official Secrets Act says they must not expose the human rights violations and mass killings its soldiers are routinely responsible for!
Julie’s new lyrics go:
‘Murder and genocide,
Lies and distortion
Corruption and betrayal of my people
These are a few of my favourite things.’